What one word comes to mind, that gets more attention than any other word the moment it's said? I'm pretty sure you guessed it! Sex! Yes, the word "sex" seems to get more heads turning and ears perking then any other word. Sex is an act that can be harmful, or pleasant. It's a topic parents dread, and churches fear. It’s on our phones, in our video games, books, magazines, movies, tv, schools, home and conversations. It’s all around, open and hidden. It strikes curiosity, causes shame, blame and secrets. It can be used for love, sold, taken or given for free.
With sex being in our face on a regular basis, how do we handle talking about it to our teens? Have we become desensitize to the sexualized culture that we think seeing it everywhere is ok? IF you choose NOT to have a conversation about sex with your teen or even pre-teen, for that matter, I can pretty much guarantee they WILL get information from somewhere! How accurate “that information is” is another story. We have done such a disservice to our young people by NOT sharing with them what should be shared. One reason we don't talk about "sex" with our teen is, well hey its awkward. And if we close our eyes long enough and turn away from the conversation, it may just go away! WRONG! Nice try! That doesn't stop them from having questions! But will it stop you from having answers?
Should our teens be having sex or not? Some people think they "need experience" so when they get married they will know what to do. Other's say, "all teens have sex, so what does it matter." What do YOU say? Because it really does matter! Your teen really does want to hear from you, their parent, on the subject. Even if they act like they don't! They may not come right out and say, "Hey, could you talk to me about sex, and should I be having it?" That doesn't mean they don't want to know what you have to say.
I've had a seventh grade boy tell me, his dad gave him a box of condoms for him to keep in his draw so he wouldn't have to ask his dad for condoms when he decide to have sex.
I heard a sophomore girl from a Christian school, talk very loud and proud about all the things she had done sexually. Her parents didn't know, but everyone else did!
I've seen the face of sophomore guys in shock after seeing a sexual exposer chart as one guy whispered under his breath,"I've had so many partners the number is not even on the chart".
I've heard many guys and girls tell me about their addiction to porn with the easy access from their smart phone, as well as girls sending nude pics because the guy asked and she trusted him.
I've heard the sorrow of many heartbroken girls and guys after they've given themselves away to someone they thought cared.
So many stories, and so many lives, some with STD's/STI's, pregnancy, abortion, fear, pain, broken hearts, shattered dreams, and for what? For a quick moment of so called pleasure, that has left so many young people broken and with regret.
Many teens have suffered because they have believed the lies that sex before marriage is not harmful and you should do it if you "love" the person or hey because you just want too. I gotta ask, how many people did you "love" when you were a teen? How long did that "love" last? How long did it actually take you to really know what "love" is? For some adults they are still trying to figure that out! Sex isn't meant for "love" it's meant for pleasure in a faithful marriage relationship because of "love".
I know and understand that it can be difficult to talk to your kids about the big "S" word. The sex talk doesn't have to be something you sit down with your child for countless hours of uncomfortable conversation. Don't make it any more awkward then it already is by not knowing what to say or by lack of accurate information. Get prepared by getting informed. That in itself will build your confidence in having chats about sex with your teen and pre-teen. Remember IF YOU don't someone will!!