Age of Difficulty

When I look back at when my girls were growing up, and I recall the different stages of each and every age. I personally feel the most difficult ages for me to parent was, seventeen…the "I'm almost an adult" too eighteen…”I AM an adult" too nineteen…the "I'm almost NOT a teen," and the attitude of…”You can't tell me what to do,” for all those ages!  I gotta tell ya, at times I felt like I wanted to go Ninja on them, talk about pushing my buttons and me going from 0 to 100 in ninety seconds or less! I got to that point because I allowed my girls to get the best of me! Is what I had to do was, re-evaluate and re-adjust my parenting, once again. But this time it was a little different because they were actually right!  They were almost an adult at seventeen, and they were an official-legal adult at eighteen, and they were about to be out of the teen years at nineteen!  The one area they were not right in, was the, "You can't tell me what to do" area. The reason why they were not right is a few reasons, but before I tell you the reasons, I have to say this, you can't have the same "attitude" as your teen or young adult, and expect them to listen. Pull it together, and be the (bigger) adult…I had too! I had to stop saying over and over again the words, "As long as you live in MY house, Oh yes I can, and WILL tell you what to do!" I had to change my prideful attitude again, and say that same thing, just in different words, actions, AND tone IF I wanted to be effective, and I did want to be effective. With that said…

1. If they are living in your home you can tell them what to do. You tell them, respectfully. They will listen to you better if you treat them like an adult. NOT talking down to them disrespectfully. Who wants to be treated like you don't know anything, and your opinion doesn't matter? YOU?! Sure don't! So don't do it to your teens! 
2. Don’t be afraid to set guidelines and boundaries! Personally, I feel IF they are living in your home, at any age, you have a right to set guidelines, (not “rules”) guidelines, IF you choose. IF you do NOT choose to set guidelines, then don’t get upset if they are NOT doing what you want or expect them to do! Uh, how are they to know IF you NEVER talked about it! With age comes more responsibility. Not everyone knows that.
3. Step back and read between the lines of what your seventeen to nineteen year old is saying. Even your young adult who isn't a teen anymore, whether they live with you or not. Here is what I noticed when I stepped back and looked at what my teens/young adults were saying behind their words, I realized and saw the insecurity and fear of, oh no I'm almost an official adult! What do I do! Sometimes they want the freedom of an adult without the responsibility of an adult. And it's up to us as parents to teach them how to live as a responsible, productive member of society. Without them feeling we owe them till the day we die. Because we don't. The only thing we owe them is, our love and with that comes respect, and this can be life changing when we give it. One thing I will always remember my dad saying, "No matter what you do, I will always love you." And he held up to those words till the day he died.

Regardless of the age of difficulty for you, remember to stay strong, and know you can and should stand up to your teen in LOVE and humility. Do not allow them to walk all over you and disrespect you as they get older. It’s NOT ok! 

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